


For You

by annewithanl



Category: Anne with an E (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Anne Shirley in Denial, F/M, Gilbert Blythe has Heart Eyes, Gilbert Blythe is Whipped, I'm Bad At Tagging, POV Gilbert Blythe
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-16
Updated: 2020-06-25
Packaged: 2021-03-03 22:07:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 11,238
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24752905
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/annewithanl/pseuds/annewithanl
Summary: After his dad died, Gilbert took a job as a waiter on a ferry. 7 Months later, something is pulling him back to AvonleaFic based on "For You" by Laura Marling(I suck at summaries I'm sorry)
Relationships: Diana Barry & Anne Shirley, Gilbert Blythe & Anne Shirley, Gilbert Blythe & Moody Spurgeon MacPherson, Gilbert Blythe & Sebastian "Bash" Lacroix, Gilbert Blythe/Anne Shirley, Jane Andrews/Josie Pye, Ruby Gillis & Moody Spurgeon MacPherson
Comments: 12
Kudos: 58





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first fic so I...apologise. I also haven't had anyone check it (and I haven't really checked it..)  
> Basically I wanted a fic based on For You by Laura Marling so I did it myself. It's a beautiful song, have a listen!  
> This is my first time writing in aaages, and my first time sharing in even longer, so please don't hate me.  
> It's a pretty typical Shirbert fic, not very original but oh well, I had fun writing it so I hope you will reading it :)

_I drew pictures of you, long before I met you, just a fragment of my mind / I had called out for you, almost every night, precious things are hard to find_

Gilbert loved his job. True, the waiter aspect was boring and, very often, stressful. But, a traveller at heart, Gilbert loved to see the world, meet strangers with interesting lives, or spend a night at a swanky hotel in an (somewhat) exotic port. His job on the S.S. Primrose, a cruise ship which docked all over North and Central America, allowed for each of these things, and more. And the work itself had become much more bearable since befriending his colleague, Bash LaCroix.

Yes, all in all, Gilbert was happy, something he hadn’t thought possible after his father’s inevitable but nevertheless devastating death, which had caused him to quit school and take the job in the first place. But something was missing. Gilbert felt like he was reaching out for something, anything, maybe just the stability of a home, or maybe a person. He felt like part of him was missing.

And then, 7 months since he left Avonlea, at the start of July, the pull seemed to direct him to the very place he had eagerly forgotten. He tried to ignore it, losing himself in the sunsets over the ocean, and the delicious leftover meals, but he knew he was lying to himself, and Bash sensed it too.

“Blythe, what’s wrong with you lately? You seem to forget where you are all the time, and we have to call your name at least three times before you listen,” Bash asked one evening, peering over his bunkmates shoulder at the online course which Gilbert seemed to be ignoring.

“No, I’m fine,” the boy answered, but he seemed to be on autopilot, his mind elsewhere as he spun a pencil in his hand.

“Blythe,” Bash repeated, turning Gilbert’s chair to face him. He now had Gilbert’s attention, so gave him a firm look, which Gilbert understood to mean _Don’t argue with me_.

“I think I might want to go back home. To Avonlea, I mean. But, I’m not sure. What’s left for me there?”

“Your friends? Your school? Your home?” Bash sighed, “If you want to go back, then you should. This cruise ends in a couple of weeks anyway, so you could take the train back to Nova Scotia instead of coming on the next one.”

The weeks after their conversation saw Bash and Gilbert discussing Gilbert’s future almost constantly, but, just days before the Primrose docked for the last time (with its current passengers), they finally came to a decision. Gilbert would go home to Avonlea, but he wouldn’t go alone. Bash, who had taken the job to raise money for his wife (Mary) and daughter (Delphine), who lived not far from Avonlea in a different area of Nova Scotia, as it happens, would move into Gilbert’s large farmhouse too, bringing his family with him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this chapter isn't very long interesting...It's just setting up the fic I guess. The next chapter and a half are already written so I might update tomorrow? Who knows...  
> Anyway please let me know what you think! My twitter is @annewithanl if you wanna make friends too :)
> 
> Next Chapter: Gilbert goes home (spoiler: Carrot scene!)  
> (The next chapter is better and longer than this one I promise!)


	2. Part I

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gilbert arrives back in Avonlea, and catches up with old friends.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm posting Chapter 2 today because I realised chapter 1 isn't very interesting so here you go :)

_It was just an evening, much like any else when you came into my life_

Although Gilbert knew going home was the right thing, he couldn’t help feeling a little sad as the train pulled into Charlottetown. He had spent over half a year in a world so different from the one he grew up in, where anything could happen, and although he loved Avonlea, he worried he would be….bored. And while he was glad to be seeing his friends soon, he knew that he had grown up so much since he left, and worried the maturity gap between he and his closest friends, Jane and Moody, would have only worsened (although being practically unschooled for so long may have at least meant they would finally be on the same level intellectually!) Seeing the farm too, for the first time since his father's death, would be difficult. But with the man he now called his brother by his side, Gilbert felt peaceful about it. He knew Bash and Mary had suffered enough in their time, so would understand his pain, and support him.

Three days after his arrival, with his odd new all family settled in (Gilbert and three-year-old-Delphine had especially hit it off!), the boy decided to contact his friends.

_Moody Spurgeon_

**Gilbert** : hey moody

 **Gilbert** : how are u?

 **Gilbert** : I just got back a few days ago and was wondering if u wanna meet and catch up :)

 **Moody** : gil!

 **Moody** : wow how are you? yeah I’d love to meet! we’re actually all meeting up at the ruins tomorrow for an end of summer get together, do u wanna come?

 **Gilbert** : sounds great, text me the details!

The Blythe-Lacroix household woke early the next day. Harvest season was coming soon, and Bash had a lot to learn before he could work the fields while Gilbert was at school. Mary, although a quicker and more patient learner than Bash, was in the process of opening a catering company, so left the boys (and Delphine), to it. Gilbert was happy with the routine he and the Lacroixes had so quickly slipped into, and it was nice to have people he could call home, even if he still barely knew the women of the house. But as the late August sun streamed down onto he and Bash’s bare backs as they mended a broken fence, something troubled him. He didn’t know what his relationship to Bash and Mary was – he thought of Bash as his brother, but the age difference made it seem as if they were more parental figures. Would he have to ask permission to go out after dark? Would they scold him if he stayed out too late? In the end, Gilbert decided it was best to just ask Bash, in as nonchalant a way as possible.

“Bash,” Gilbert let go of the plank he was holding, and waited for his friend to face him, before asking, “is it alright if I go out and meet some friends tonight?”

“Sure, as long as it’s not going to get you in trouble I don’t care what you do,” Bash shrugged, “just let us know when and where you’re going so we know you’re safe.”

At quarter to 7 that night, Gilbert stepped out into the warm evening. He had meant to leave earlier, when it was slightly lighter out, but had spent too long deciding what to wear. Each outfit seemed too formal, or too nerdy, or too fake. He knew he was being paranoid, but felt self conscious about having a good “first impression” on the friends he already loved so much, and was aware that he’d just spent half a year wearing a waiter’s uniform, so hadn’t had to dress himself. Now he regretted his outfit already, because it was still too hot to be wearing a jacket, even if the sun had gone down.

He could hear his friends before he saw them. The girls were shrieking, someone was playing music from their phone, and Gilbert could even make out Billy Andrew’s sniding voice as he said something offensive, Gilbert assumed. As he turned round the wall his breath hitched. The group were crowded in front of a bonfire, all looking up at a girl who was shouting about something Gilbert couldn’t quite make out (pirates?), twirling around on the tree stump where she stood. Her red hair glowed in the firelight, each strand a different shade: coral, fuchsia, copper, auburn. Gilbert felt his neck warm as she seemed to catch his eye, but she didn’t acknowledge his presence, so, regaining composure, he walked over to Moody, who suddenly spotted him and cried out.

“GILBERT!” Moody practically flung himself at his old friend, bringing him in for a hug. For the next few minutes Gilbert was bombarded with questions about his time away. Had he had the chance to look, he would have noticed a certain mysterious redhead looking annoyed at the attention being taken away from her, but he hadn’t, so he didn’t.

When the excitement of his arrival wore off, and the rest of the group returned to their previous activities, Gilbert sat down beside the fire, a beer in his hand, with Jane and Moody.

“We have so much to tell you Gil,” Moody informed, “So much has changed since you left!”

“Oh? Like what?”

“Well, Jane here has _finally_ admitted to liking Josie Pye, but Josie's still in denial,” Moody began.

“And Moody’s practically in love with Ruby, but he still won’t talk to her,” Jane retorted, ignoring Gilbert’s reminder that neither of these things weren’t really news and adding “Oh and Diana and Jerry broke up, even though they still haven’t admitted to being together.”

“So, what you’re telling me is that nothing really changed?” Gilbert asked, and the three descended into fits of laughter. All of his fears that he would lose his friendships were forgotten. He was glad to be back with the people he loved.

“But wait,” Gilbert took a sip of his beer, “Who’s that girl? The one with red hair, I don't remember seeing her before.”

“Oh that’s Anne,” Jane replied, “She’s Diana’s ex-boyfriend’s long lost cousin or something. She moved into Green Gables in June.”

“She’s an orphan,” Moody added. Gilbert nodded, watching as Anne laughed at something Diana had said.

A few beers later, someone had transferred the music playing on the phone to a portable speaker, so most of the teens were up dancing. Gilbert sat by the fire, stomach warm from the alcohol, as well as the flames. Opposite him sat Anne, watching the dancers with a soft smile on her face, her red mane now tied into two braids.

“Hey,” Gilbert ventured, unsure of why his voice seemed to squeak in the same way Ruby’s had when she greeted him earlier, “It's Anne right?”

“Yes,” the girl replied, decidedly looking away from him. “

I’m Gilbert.”

“I’m aware,” she stood up, facing away from him and in the direction of the sea, who’s waves could be heard crashing gently into the sand not too far from where they had congregated. Gilbert stood too, walking to stand beside her.

“So how do you like Avonlea? I hear we’re neighbours.” Once again, the girl moved away from him, clearly demonstrating that she didn’t want to talk.

Now, looking back on what was about to happen, Gilbert would swear he hadn’t meant to offend her, and couldn’t understand why he did what he did. Maybe it was the alcohol sloshing around in his empty stomach, or maybe he was still tired from his long journey a few days before, but regardless of the reason, all Gilbert knew in that moment was that he wanted this girl’s attention, and couldn’t understand why she was so cold to him, despite being in a good mood the rest of the evening. So he did what seemed like the only logical next step.

“Carrots!” he called, tugging gently on one of her braids. Anne’s light, freckled skin, quickly turned a similar shade to the lighter strands of her hair, a stormy look in her eyes as she picked up a small plank of wood used as a seat and smacked it against his head, before shouting “I’M NOT TALKING TO YOU!”

Gilbert watched as she turned and strode in the direction of the village, Diana following not far behind. He brought a hand to his cheek. It stung, but he couldn’t help the smile which spread across his face. As Jane and Moody ran towards him, all he could say was “What did I do wrong?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As you can see, here we had the obligatory carrots scene. I also tried to recreate the moment where Gilbert sees Anne at the ruins in s3, because that's one of my favourite scenes (but not what happens next!!)  
> Again, let me know what you think, and if you haven't come from my twitter, please feel free to follow me, I'm @annewithanl there too :)
> 
> (Also I wasn't sure what Anne should hit him with so I went with a plank of wood, which I realise is random and possibly unrealistic but whatever)


	3. Part II

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Anne and Gilbert bond...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not gonna keep updating this often, because I don't want to lose steam, but I had this one mostly written, so I thought I might as well. Hope u enjoy :)

_It takes one to know one, and I saw you there, as I had seen you all my life_

When school started up, Gilbert was thrown back into the busy life of a schoolchild, and in part reminded of why he left. Though intelligent and studious, Gilbert stressed easily, and found the large amounts of schoolwork piled on him (more than that of his friends because of the time he lost while away) difficult to manage. To make matters worse, Anne was in many of the AP classes with him, and took every opportunity to show him up, or just to generally express her dislike of him. Try as he might (and he tried a lot, enchanted by her outspokenness and passion for literature in particular), he could not get her to accept his apology. The rest of the group made fun of him for it in her absence. Diana told him that Anne would come around eventually, but he wasn't so sure. He still didn’t really understand why she disliked him so much.

It seemed fate, or their English teacher Ms Stacey perhaps, was on his side, because in early October, Gilbert and Anne were paired up together for a project. When this arrangement was announced, Gilbert couldn’t help the grin on his face (or the fuzzy feeling in his stomach), even in spite of the distasteful look on his redheaded partner’s.

“So Car- Anne,” Gilbert walked towards the girl when class was dismissed, “when should we meet up?”

She sighed. “I’m free after school today, I guess. I just wanna get this over with.”

“Great. Let’s meet after school and we can walk over to mine together?” Gilbert waited for her stiff nod before jogging away towards Moody, missing the small smile that crept across Anne’s face in spite of herself.

At 3:20pm, Gilbert watched as Anne hugged Diana goodbye and strode towards him, a pained expression on her face.

“Oh come on, I’m not that bad,” Anne huffed, not dignifying him with a response. Try as he might to strike up a conversation (even attempting to cause an argument just so she would talk to him), she wouldn’t take the bait, so much of the walk was spent in silence.

When they arrived at the farm, Gilbert bounded a few steps ahead, opening the door for her (like the gentlemen he believed himself to be), but once again she only huffed in response.

“Gilbert? Is that you?” Bash called from the kitchen, as the teenagers shrugged their coats off, Gilbert hanging them on the back of a chair as they walked through.

“Hey Bash. This is Anne,” Gilbert gestured to his fire-haired classmate, who nodded at the man, “Anne this is Bash, my..uhh, my brother.” The word still tasted strange in his mouth, reminding him of all the family that he had lost. But he was grateful. That is, until the sibling in question said

“Ah, the famous Anne! We’ve heard so much about you.” Bash’s eyes danced between Gilbert and Anne, the latter sending death stares towards the boy, who gave out an awkward laugh, before stuttering “Y-yes, well, uh...” and pulling Anne by the arm towards his bedroom.

“Sorry about him,” he added as they left the kitchen, “he’s just ANNOYING, and DELUSIONAL.” Ignoring any further comments from Bash, Gilbert shut his bedroom door, sitting down at his desk and motioning Anne to do the same on his bed. Gingerly, with the same air of disgust as she had had the whole afternoon, she did so, and took out her English book.

The pair began with their project, creating a newspaper article about the events in Shakespeare’s Macbeth. They worked in near silence for the better part of an hour, until Anne put her pen down.

“So are you, like, adopted?” Gilbert just looked at her, shocked both by her forwardness and her interest in his life. “It’s just, you know, you’re white, and Bash is black, so I just thought, you know...” she trailed off, looking determinedly at the paper on her lap.

“Yeah- I mean, no, well, basically,” Gilbert sucked in a breath, “my dad died last year, so I got a job on a Ferry and-”

“Is that legal?” Anne cut him off, “I mean, how old are you?”

“I’m seventeen. I didn’t serve alcohol, and I did online school in the evenings, so it was fine.”

“Oh”

“And I met Bash on the ship. When I decided to come home, he came with me, because it’s not like I need a whole farm to myself. He brought his wife and baby too.”

“Baby?” Anne perked up.

“Yeah,” Gilbert smiled, “Delphine. She’s not here at the moment though, she’s at school.”

Anne’s shoulders drooped again, and Gilbert coughed. “You- you’re an orphan too right?” He asked, softly. She looked him straight in the eyes, for the first time possibly, and nodded.

“My parents died when I was young. I was in the system for a while, until July when I was taken in by Matthew and Marilla, who it seems are my long lost aunt and uncle or something. I think it’s dumb, since I’m already sixteen, but it’s nice to have a family.”

“Yeah, yeah it is.”

Something shifted then, an understanding coming between them, that they were the same, in a way. That they weren’t alone in how they felt.

They continued working until the evening. When Anne announced she needed to leave, Gilbert asked if she wanted to stay for dinner (because of how dark it was outside, of course). She said no, but finally accepted his offer to walk her home after his fourth insistence.

In the darkness, illuminated only by the torch on his phone, Gilbert was reminded of their first meeting, on that slightly warmer evening just a few weeks before.

“Anne,” he began, “I really am sorry for offending you when we first met. I wasn’t trying to be cruel, I just wanted to talk to you.”

“Well I CLEARLY didn’t want to talk to you.”

“But why? I didn’t do anything to you before that did I?”

They were nearing Green Gables now, but Anne stopped, waiting for Gilbert to do the same. “Well, if you must know… God this sounds so stupid...” At Gilbert’s prompting, she continued, “Well, Ruby like you and she has ‘dibs’, and I really wanted the girls to like me, so I promised I wouldn’t talk to you, although what your relationship to her has to do with me, I don’t know, honestly it’s just… ” She trailed off seeing the incredulous look on his face.

“Ruby? But that’s… I mean, I knew she had a crush, I guess, but… And I? She… ‘dibs’?!”

“I thought it was silly too, as if you can’t make your own decisions, but like I said, I want the girls to like me. So I would appreciate it if you allow me to keep my distance.”

With that, she continued walking, Gilbert following after her,

“Poor Moody,” Gilbert thought out loud.

“What?” Anne turned to face him. When he didn’t reply, she added “C’mon, I told you about Ruby, you have to tell me!”

“Well… it’s just Moody’s had the biggest crush on her for ages. I thought while I was away she would’ve moved on, hopefully to him, but I guess not..”

“Ruby and Moody? Oh that’s perfect, he’s so sweet to her. If I didn’t know about her thing for you I would’ve thought she liked him too,” Anne paused, “Oh they’re perfect for each other! Maybe I’ll have a word with her, or ask Diana too. She’d be much happier with him rather than pining after a guy who doesn’t like her back. Wait, you don’t do you?”

Gilbert shook his head, his eyes lingering on her face as she turned back away from him. Her skin seemed to glow in the darkness. Being beside her was like standing in moonlight, despite the actual moon being hidden behind clouds on this particular evening. Not realising what he was doing, Gilbert turned the torch towards her hair, wanting to see it shine on her sunset tresses.

“What?”

“Oh, nothing, sorry” he stuttered as they arrived at her fence. “Well, bye.”

“Bye.”

The pair lingered, each searching the others face for the answer to an unknown question. With a start, Anne, looked away, and turned towards her home. Gilbert watched until she reached her door, willing her to look back before she went in. But she didn’t, so he went home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for doing the cliché school project trope, but I wanted Anne to be at his house so they could have the orphan conversation.  
> This chapter didn't come out as smooth as I would've liked, but I don't have the patience to properly revise it.  
> As always, let me know what you think, any constructive criticism is welcome too!!


	4. Part III

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dashing White Sergeant...

_I thank a God I've never met / Never loved, never wanted (for you)_

As the weeks past, and December came along, Avonlea began preparations for its annual Winter Fair. For the older students of Avonlea High, this meant practising the _Dashing White Sergeant,_ a traditional Scottish country dance which had been part of the Fair for as long as it had been recorded. While the rest of the dances no longer really took place, the long-standing custom of the school children ending the fair by performing _Sergeant_ was still observed. Two weeks before the Fair, the students were given the day off lessons in order to rehearse. While missing lessons was always a good thing, many of them, Josie Pye in particular, were unhappy about the outdated tradition.

“Well I’m excited,” Anne announced to the group, “I guess I’ve never really been part of such a tradition, and it sounds really romantic, don’t you think?” Her eager eyes were met with bored expressions. For those who had grown up in Avonlea, and had watched the dance performed each year, it was more ‘old and stuffy’ than romantic. Gilbert wasn’t sure how he felt. Normally he would’ve been just as unhappy as the rest of his friends, but Anne’s excitement seemed contagious.

They watched as the adults who had volunteered to help teach the dance, most notably Rachel Lynde, a notorious gossip, demonstrated it in the centre of the room. And then it was the students’ turn to form groups of six. Gilbert ended up in a group with Diana and Jane either side of him, opposite Charlie, Anne, and an adult he didn’t recognise. As the music began, he took Diana and Jane’s hands and the six began to turn. He looked across at Anne and grinned, somewhat embarrassed. As the dance progressed, he kept his eyes on hers, a strange feeling washing over him that he was sure he felt too. The whole thing seemed funny: them all dressed up in half-formal suits and vintage-style dresses, but it was nice too. Still smiling at the redhead, he grabbed her hand, turning her round so she stood next to him instead of opposite, grinning just the same. As the dance continued, he felt a tingling in the hand that held hers, not quite electricity, but something similar. They laughed at each other, pulling serious faces as if they were victorian adults at a grown up party. And as they turned, time seemed to slow. Logically, Gilbert knew that they weren’t the only ones in the room, in the world even, but the only thing his brain picked up on was Anne, Anne’s hand in his, Anne’s red braid twisting in the air, the skirt of Anne’s dress brushing against his leg, Anne’s eyes on his. And he could’ve sworn she felt the same.

As the dance ended, and the pairs bowed to each other before going to collect their coats and bags, Gilbert couldn’t move. It seemed Anne couldn’t either. There seemed to be some higher power, like God or something (not that Gilbert believed in Him) which drew them to the spot, and to each other. They stood there, eyes on each other’s once again, until a squeal jolted them back to reality.

Moody had just asked Ruby on a date. The girl’s eyes flicked towards Gilbert, but he all he saw in them was indifference, no longer the excited longing he was so used to finding. She turned back to Moody, who she had become increasingly friendly with in the previous couple of months, and smiled.

“Yes! I’d love too!”

Gilbert moved towards the door, clapping Moody’s back in congratulations as he passed, and went outside, where he heard the voice which had quickly become his favourite. Anne stood next to Charlie Sloane, one of Moody’s closest friends, although Gilbert liked him less and less since he had returned in August (this definitely had _nothing_ to do with Charlie’s interest in a certain redhead).

“No Charlie, I didn’t enjoy the rehearsal,” Gilbert stopped where he was, “I think it was a waste of time. We could’ve been learning something useful, instead of engaging in such… such frivolous activities!”

_Oh,_ thought Gilbert.

That evening, while helping Mary prepare dinner, Gilbert couldn’t help but replay the events of the day in his head. Anne’s smile, Anne’s laugh, the feeling of Anne’s small hand, Anne’s hair dancing in the sunlight which streamed through the classroom window, Anne wearing a pretty dress, Anne looking at Gilbert, Anne looking like a woodland fairy as she twirled around, Anne looking back at Gilbert with that unidentifiable expression on her face, _Anne telling Charlie she hadn’t enjoyed it._

“Is everything alright Gilbert?” At Gilbert’s blank expression, Mary gestured at the carrot he had mutilated.

“Oh,” Gilbert said, dumbly, “Yeah I’m fine it’s just,” he set down the knife and looked at Mary, “I- I like this girl. And sometimes I think she likes me back, but other times it’s like she hates me, and I don’t know what I’ve done wrong. And I keep going towards her, even as she backs away. I just don’t know what she’s thinking. But I keep doing it to myself anyway.”

“Gilbert,” Mary said softly, “you deserve to be happy. So if she’s gonna keep hurting you, you should stay away. But if you really like this girl, and you think she might like you too, you should tell her how you feel.”

After several moments of thought, Gilbert thanked Mary, and asked her not to tell Bash about their conversation.

“Tell me what?” Bash stood at the kitchen door, Delly in his arms and a bright smile on his face.

“Nothing!”

“Mary, my sweet, wonderful, beautiful wife, what’s going on?”

“Ew Bash not in front of the baby,” Gilbert scrunched up his nose.

“Gilbert has a crush!” Mary’s eyes danced at the exasperated expression on Gilbert’s face.

“YES! I KNEW IT! So how long have you known you liked Anne?” Bash danced around the kitchen, Delly squealing with excitement.

“What? How did you know?” The Lacroixes just laughed.

They were interrupted, however, by a chime on Bash’s phone.

“Speak of the devil!” He cried, “We’ve just been invited to lunch at the Cuthbert’s after Church on Sunday!”

“Absolutely not!” Seeing the desperate expression on Gilbert’s face, Bash roared with laughter, already typing out and sending a text.

“Great! So we’ll go home with _Anne,_ and her family after Church! Perfect.”

“Well I guess I’ll have to make my own lunch, because I don’t go to church.” Gilbert was blushing furiously.

“Uh-uh,” Bash cried, “the invitation was for all of us!”

“And it’s rude to turn down an invitation,” Mary swatted Gilbert on the arm with her dish towel.

“Who knows,” a sly smile crept across Bash’s face, “If we invite them to ours next week, maybe it’ll become a weekly thing!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had so much fun writing this! I hope it all makes sense because once again I posted it without checking because I was so excited. The Dance scene is one of the best scenes, and I think more people should include it in fanfics - people still do that kind of dancing, even if it is in a kind of reminiscing way (if that makes sense). I hope I did it justice, I tried to copy it as best I could by watching the video as I wrote lol.  
> Anyway I hope u liked this, let me know what you thought down below, any advice is always welcome too.
> 
> Next Chapter: a camping trip (I think- that might change because I haven't actually written it yet)


	5. Part IV

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Church, and the Blythe-Lacroix-Cuthbert family lunch

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry this took a bit longer, I wrote it and then I got confused about some details so I wrote the next chapter to try and iron stuff out (which didn't really help lol)  
> also ik I said the next chapter would be camping but then I wanted to see what happens at the dinner lol

_Now that I have you, I will not forget, what a miracle you are_

Sunday Morning saw Gilbert once again worried about his fashion sense. Aside from his father’s funeral, he hadn’t been to Church in years, having lost all Faith in God when his father’s illness began. He knew you were supposed to dress formally for Church, but he didn’t want to over do it, _especially since I’m hanging out with Anne after,_ Gilbert thought, before scolding himself for being so pathetic. _Anyone would think you were in love!_ But that thought came a little too close to home, so he pushed it away, telling himself to get a grip. In the end he went for a fairly similar outfit to the one he wore for Dance rehearsal, namely black trousers and a white shirt. However this time he opted to leave the shirt untucked, unlike the other day, to make it even more casual.

Satisfied, he headed downstairs, ignoring Bash’s gleeful smirk as he passed.

“Excited?”

“Yeah I guess. I haven’t been to Church in a while, I’m looking forward to hearing about what God has in store for me.”

“Mmm and I bet you’re real excited for what’s happening after, too.” Gilbert rolled his eyes at his brother, taking Delly out of his arms and giving her a kiss on the forehead.

The Blythe-Lacroix household arrived at Avonlea’s Church ten minutes before the sermon was to start, so the adults chatted with some neighbours before heading in, while Gilbert just fiddled with the buttons on his jacket.

“Mathew and Marilla! How are you?” Bash walked over to the Cuthberts as they stepped out of their car, ushering his family to join them. Mary gave Gilbert a sympathetic but teasing grin and pushed Delly’s pram over.

“Delphine! My sweet angel, how are you?” Anne was the last out of the car, her voice drawing Gilbert to where she had scooped his niece into her arms. She wore a simple velvet dress, the colour of the trees which Gilbert knew she so admired. He was reminded of a conversation they’d had back in October, on the way home from school. It wasn’t long after they’d become friends.

“ _I’m so happy to live in a world where there_ _are Octobers!” Gilbert grinned, watching Anne as she in turn watched the sway of the trees in the autumn breeze. “It’s not that I don’t_ love _the deep forest greens of Summer or Spring, because I so do, but there’s something about the way the leaves change that’s absolutely divine, it seems symbolic somehow.”_

“ _Of what?”_

“ _Oh I don’t know! Of something, for sure!” She laughed, skipping away from the path to some late-blooming wildflowers which she proceeded to pick. Gilbert loved that laugh. It reminded him of something he didn’t recognise, something long ago. A part of himself that he didn’t know._

“Hi.” Gilbert was pulled back to the present by the sound of her voice once again. He shoved his hands in his pockets, barely looking at her as he said

“Hey.”

“I haven’t seen you at Church before.” Gilbert couldn’t tell if that was an accusation, a question, or simply a statement.

“Yeah I don’t really go in for religion, but we’ve been invited for lunch at yours afterwards and Bash and Mary insisted I come her first so..” He trailed off and looked up at her face to see a look of surprise on her face. _Did she not know we were coming,_ he worried, _Does she not want me to?_

She seemed to shrug off her confusion though, and instead replied

“Yeah I was never religious either until I came here. I went to Sunday School at one of my foster homes but it was all so boring. Marilla made it more interesting though. Some of the writing is quite beautiful. Like poetry.”

Gilbert simply nodded, pondering her words for a few moments before asking where Jerry was.

“Oh, he’s gone to church in Charlottetown today. With his _girlfriend,_ ” she wiggled her eyebrows, tongue poking out between her ( _perfect_ ) teeth. Gilbert grinned back.

“Who’s his girlfriend? Not Diana is it?”

“No, they broke up. It’s a shame, I like the idea of them together, and so did Diana, but I guess it didn’t live up to the idea. Jerry was upset at first, but that was back in the summer, so he’s moved on. To a _Charlottetown_ girl!” She wiggled her eyebrows again and with that, they were ushered into the Church, saying their helloes to each other’s families as they went. Gilbert found it hard to concentrate throughout the service. It wasn’t that he was bored, per se, but something, _someone,_ was distracting him. It wasn;t his fault – Bash had _made_ him sit next to her, a knowing smile on his face. _It must be his life’s mission to torment me,_ thought Gilbert. He could see her bright hair in his peripheral vision. He began to play a game he often played in school, especially in English where she sat in the desk to the left of the one in front of his. Essentially, the aim was to find the word which best described her hair. So far he hadn’t come up with an answer. He was just thinking about the various chillis in his kitchen at home, when she caught his eye, an unreadable expression on her face. He was startled, and committed himself to paying attention for the rest of the sermon. The minister was discussing miracles. Once again, Gilbert was distracted.

_On the one hand,_ he thought, _if God exists, then He has taken so much from me. My whole family. But I guess He’s given me so much too. Or the universe has? Whatever the cause, I do have a lot to be thankful for. Bash and Mary and little Delly and the farm and school and all my friends and_ Anne. _Anne being in my life must be a miracle. She brings so much light. She’s like..she’s like the sun, or the moon. I’m glad to have her as a friend...Christ, Gilbert! Get a grip. Being in Church has made you sappy._

When the service was over, and the churchgoers filtered out into the surprisingly warm winter air, the two families drove off, one after the other, to the Cuthbert’s farm. On arrival, Gilbert and Anne were sent up to the latter’s room, so the final preparations for lunch could be carried out.

Gilbert paused in her doorway. Anne had been in his room many times since that first October night, and while he had studied and hung out at her place too, he had never actually been inside her bedroom. His eyes wandered about the room, lingering on the vanity, cluttered with mementos of her summer in Avonlea and little parts of the forest she had re-homed, on the window, which revealed a cherry tree outside, on the bedside table, stacked with books, and finally on the bed, and its freckled inhabitant.

“So,” he began, not knowing how to continue.

She looked up at him. “So.”

He sucked in a breath and stepped further in, a hand on the vanity. “I like your room.”

“Thanks,” she began to blush, and he worried he’d said something wrong. He always worried he’d said something wrong with her. But how could he not, after their disastrous first meeting? It wasn’t usually this awkward between them. Once their friendship was formed, they had slipped into an easy, though admittedly argumentative, routine, and things were comfortable. But the dance had changed things, and Gilbert didn’t know where they stood, didn’t know where he’d gone wrong (because he _must_ have gone wrong somewhere).

For fifteen excruciating minutes, they made small talk and discussed schoolwork, not meeting each other’s eyes and remaining as far away from each other as the room was possible without it being too obvious. When they were called down to eat, Gilbert was very grateful, but this sentiment didn’t last long.

The meal started out innocently enough, with the Cuthberts asking Gilbert about his studies, and the Lacroixes doing the same for Anne. Then Bash asked Anne how she enjoyed the dance, that same gleeful expression on his face, eyes flickering between the teens. From then on it seemed all teasing of the pair was fair game. It was like some horrible inside joke that everyone (yes, even Matthew, kind, gentle Matthew) was in on except Anne and Gilbert were in on, except Gilbert understood the jokes too, he just couldn’t do anything to stop them.

Wether it be Anne asking for someone to pass the salt and everyone sitting very still so Gilbert was forced to pass it to her himself ( _he definitely didn’t notice their hands brushing, or the way she shivered as they did_ ), or Marilla asking who Gilbert was going to ask to the fair, a knowing smile on her face, or even baby Delphine noting that “Annie” and “Uncle Gilby” kept looking at eachother (Uncle Gilby was sure Bash had put her up to it when he took her to the toilet partway through the meal), it seemed the whole table had a common mission of embarrassing the unfortunate pair.

The worst part about it, Gilbert noted bitterly, was that Anne had no idea what was going on. She blushed furiously, and looked very confused, but never caught on to the plan. Gilbert was mortified throughout, but he didn’t even have an ally, because she was too busy looking decidedly at her plate of food in confusion.

Finally, the teens were excused so that Mary could get the dessert she had brought ready. This time they opted to go out into the garden. They walked over to the fence and leaned over it, looking out into the countryside.

“Well that was...weird.”

Gilbert chuckled nervously. “Yeah, uh,” he coughed, “I- I think Bash thinks that we- that I, have… that we’re… you know.”

Anne grinned, and then threw her head back in laughter. _I don’t even care that she’s sort of making fun of me,_ thought Gilbert, _if I get to hear her laugh then_ _ **I don’t**_ _ **even care**_ _._

He began to laugh too, and any awkwardness dissipated, before being taken away by the wind, which blew Anne’s hair about her face, reminding him of the bonfire where they first met. He was constantly reminded of that night. It seemed to hold significance. It was strange, because his life certainly wasn’t uneventful. At the tender age of 17, he had experienced more than his share of tragedy and adventure. And yet that mostly uneventful night seemed to mean so much. His life was split between everything before that night, and everything after. What was it about this girl? Why had she had such a striking affect on him. He thought about the minsters sermon, and about the word miracle. He stopped himself from going any further, from thinking the only thought that could come next. He was putting too much on her, and she barely thought of him as a friend. Not for the first time that day, and certainly not for the last, he told himself to _get a grip!_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> dhjaskjdh so I'm not sure about a lot of the details in this.. the Jerry thing was just an easy way of getting him out of the picture so anne and gilbert could have some alone time LOL but I included him in the fic so I could actually write about his and Anne's dynamic (which I love) but now I don't think that's going to happen because I think there's only gonna be a few more chapters and none of them have Jerry in them oooops (or maybe I'll find a way to include him in the next one, who knows)  
> also there are lots of bits of this fic that I'm not so happy with, so I mighttt go back and change them so if in future there are any bits that dont make sense that might be why..sorry  
> aaaaanyway I hope u liked this, as always lmk how u felt and feel free to give constructive criticism xoxo (gossip girl)


	6. Part V

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Camping trip!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AKA me shamelessly living out my coming of age movie fantasy ooooops

Bash’s prediction that the Blythe-Lacroix-Cuthbert meals would become a regular thing came true. As the months progressed, the families became closer and closer, and with them, Anne and Gilbert. By the time June came around, Gilbert was at least honest with himself enough to admit he was gone over Anne (and had to endure Bash’s teasing because if it), but had also accepted that his love was unrequited, so as to uphold the promise that he would keep Anne in his life, he kept quiet. While the pair each still had their own best friends (her’s was Diana, his both Moody and Jane), their friendship was different. They would walk home from school together (Diana didn’t mind as she was almost always busy with some extra curricular activity that would look good on her College application), and weekends were spent doing anything from going to the movies or simply reading in each others’ presence. The others often smirked or made snide comments, when they spoke of their plans, but Anne was oblivious and Gilbert just followed her lead.

As was tradition, the group (Gilbert, Anne, Moody, Jane, Ruby, Josie Pye, Tillie, Cole, Jerry, and Diana) were meeting for annual summer solstice camping trip.

“Coming!” Anne’s summery voice carried out through the kitchen window when he knocked on the door of green Gables.

The door flew open, and there she was, in a tank top and shorts, black backpack swung over her shoulder. She flashed him a smile, calling her goodbyes to Matthew and Marilla (Jerry had already left with Diana)and stepping out into the bright morning. As they walked towards the gate, she stopped, eyeing up Gilbert’s bike.

“Uh, Gilbert. Where’s your car?”

“I don’t own a car.”

“When you said you would take me I assumed we were gonna..drive”

“Well, would you trust me with a drivers licence?” Anne thought for a moment, before shaking her head and throwing her head back in laughter, causing Gilbert’s breathe to hitch.

He climbed onto the bike and waited for her to do the same, leaving her enough space to sit comfortably behind him on the seat. Before she did, however, she asked him where his stuff was.

“Moody’s taking it in his car.”

“Well why didn’t we go in his car?”

“Ruby. Plus that thing is a death trap, we’d be better off walking.”

That seemed to satisfy her, because she sat down on the bike seat and slid her arms around his torso.

Now, Gilbert had of course known this would happen if he cycled her. But it hadn’t occurred to him just close she would be, how warm her breath would be on his neck. His brain short circuited for a moment, but his legs began pedalling on auto-pilot, so he managed to hide it.

Gilbert loved the feeling of the sun on his arms, of her hair tickling his shoulder. He was so _happy,_ so excited to spend the rest of day, and then the night, with his closest friends. If you had told him a year ago, or two years ago, about how he felt in this moment, he would have got up and walked away. Anne was excited too, and she told him so:

“I’m _so_ excited! This is my first time camping, you know. I hope I won’t be cold. It's quite warm now, I guess. Will the others be there when we arrive, do you think? Are we going to the place you usually go? Did they go without you last year? Oh, I wish I had lived here all my life, isn’t Avonlea just the most beautiful place in the world. I don’t ever want to leave.” And then she stopped, an uncomfortable silence grew over them. Because she wasn’t leaving yet, but _he_ was. When summer was up, he’d be going to college. He’d have to say goodbye to everybody, already. He’d have to say goodbye to _her._ He didn’t know how.

The silence grew from awkward to natural, as each of the pair watched the scenery change as they got closer to the coast. Gilbert couldn’t help but wish he could be watching them right then, and see the way her hair blew behind them in the wind, the way her eyes lit up at the sight of a pretty tree. Selfishly, he wanted to be himself, but he wanted to be God too, and see her from all around, from every angle. He was _so_ gone over her.

When they arrived at their destination, a small meadow not far from the beach, Anne leapt off the bike and into Diana and Ruby’s arms, the trio squealing with excitement. Gilbert let the bike fall and went to sit on the front of Moody’s car, where Jane was waiting for him.

“How was your journey?” She winked at him, “You and Anne seemed to be very close.”

“Don’t be crude,” Gilbert rolled his eyes, “Where’s Josie?”

Jane’s whole body seemed to droop. “She’s _not coming._ She says her parents won’t let her, but I think she just chickened out, they’ve never stopped her before. I thought we were finally going to talk.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be, it’s my fault. I’ve been waiting well over a year for something that’s never going to happen. I should just move on.”

Gilbert grinned. “I know all about that.” His eyes drifted to where Anne was giving Ruby a piggyback, charging alongside Diana to the edge of the meadow closest to the beach, which they ran onto. She stopped when her feet hit the sand, slowly letting Ruby’s legs fall to the ground as she watched the waves, enraptured. Jane watched him watch her and gave him a soft punch on the shoulder, before telling him to unpack his stuff.

Later, when Tillie and Cole had arrived and the tents were all set up, Moody set about making a bonfire. When he failed, Gilbert and Anne turned it into a competition, which Gilbert won (to be fair Anne had never made one before, and she put up a good fight, and he told her this).

“Let’s play a game!” Ruby’s wide eyes looked out across the fire in hope. It was too early for a fire, too early to be drinking too, but they did these things anyway, and Gilbert was glad for it. Glad because the fire made him think of Anne, and the alcohol was his excuse for that.

“Seriously?” Diana asked, “You know Josie’s not even here, we don’t _have_ to play some dumb middle school game.”

While Jane shifted uncomfortably in her spot in the grass, Moody spoke up in Ruby’s defence, to no one’s surprise. When no one could offer any counter ideas, they eventually settled on truth or dare.

The game started with Moody revealing that he and Ruby had kissed but not gone any further, then Diana being dared to kiss Anne, followed by Jane telling the group she had never had a boyfriend (she was only out to Gilbert and Moody). The fear in the bottom of Gilbert’s stomach, which was reflected on Anne’s face, only grew when it was Jane who asked him

“Truth or Dare?”

“Truth.” He pleaded at her with his eyes, willing her not to reveal his heart.

But she surprised him. “Did you meet anyone while you were away last year? Like, a girl?”

He thought for a moment, casting his mind back to the pretty British girl who had sometimes waited for him after his shift, who had taken him to the movie theatre on board, and who’s parents had been very kind, if a little uptight.

“Yeah, there was a girl. Winnifred. We didn’t really stay in touch though.” Moody and Tillie whistled in unison, and Ruby told him she thought it was _so romantic – a summer fling!_

Gilbert couldn’t help but look to the other side of the fire, where the only girl he wanted to think about sat. Her face didn’t betray whatever she was thinking though; Gilbert couldn’t read her expression. The game continued on, and the feeling in Gilbert’s stomach settled until the only discomfort came from drinking. But he had let his guard down too soon, because suddenly Tillie was daring Anne to kiss _him,_ to kiss Gilbert.

Anne stood up and walked around the fire to where he sat. She wouldn’t meet his eyes, and he couldn’t meet hers. He joined her in standing up, and then she was leaning in, and her lips were on hers, and he’d thought about doing this for so long, but it was all wrong, it wasn’t meant to be like this, with their friends watching, in a game of _Truth or Dare, for God’s sake!_

Gilbert couldn’t concentrate for the rest of the game, but thankfully it didn’t last much longer. The mood was killed, and the atmosphere was sort of cold.

At some point, Cole (who Gilbert only really knew from various house parties over the past year, as he had moved in with Diana’s aunt Josephine while Gilbert was away – they hadn’t really been friends before that), brought out a flask filled with expensive Gin and Tonic. This made everyone laugh, because apparently it was just _so Cole,_ although Gilbert didn’t know what that meant. The alcohol and the awkwardness were seeping through his veins, filling him with resentment towards anyone and anything. And Anne still wouldn’t meet his eyes. So he opted to go to bed a little earlier, ignoring the shouts of “killjoy!”, and climbed into his tent, where he sat staring at the home screen on his phone as if something interesting would suddenly show up there.

He must have fallen asleep, because then he was waking up and it was quiet out. No, that’s not true, Gilbert could here something. Someone was outside, he could hear them talking to themselves and rustling about. He unzipped the tent, poking his head out, to see two red braids illuminated only by the fire, which was pretty much out at this point. Of course it wasn’t _just_ two red braids, but Gilbert seemed to have tunnel vision when it came to Anne and her sunset curls.

“Anne?”

“Oh hi Gil. I didn’t wake you did I? I’m sorry, I couldn’t sleep.”

Gilbert moved all the way out of the tent, closing it behind him, and moving to sit by the fire with Anne.

“Don’t worry about it. What’s wrong?”

“Oh, nothing really. It’s just weird to be sleeping essentially outdoors. You’d think I’d love it but it kind of scares me. And I’m quite uncomfortable.”

Gilbert just laughed and stoked the fire to try and warm them up (and so that he could see her face more clearly). They sat there like that for a little while, the only sounds being the gentle crackle of the fire and both Moody and Jerry’s snores.

"Is that my hoodie?" 

"Uh..yeah oops! I'm sorry!" Anne grinned sheepishly

"It's okay, you can keep it. It suits you better than me." Gilbert said. But of course, what he meant was _I love you._ If this were a movie, the subtitles would have translated every line he spoke to her as " _I love_ you," because that was what it was like. Everytime he spoke to her he felt like he was opening up his heart and confessing and _she had no idea_.

With a shiver, Anne broke the silence which had fallen on them once again by saying

“Someone once told me that it’s only your first kiss if you wanted to do it, you weren’t.. forced. Do you think that’s true?”

Gilbert swallowed, unsure of where she was going with this, and feeling that whatever came next would be momentous, in one way or another.

“Yeah. Yeah I guess so.”

Gilbert was surprised to see a smile creep across her face.

“That means you were my first kiss.”

Gilbert wasn’t sure when they had gotten so close. If he moved just an inch forward he could count the freckles on her face (he had tried this before but it was too overwhelming, they seemed to be infinite, trailing in all directions, under the fabric of her clothes all the way out to her arms and hands). He did move forward, and he could feel her breath, feel it mingling with his in the pre-dawn air.

“I’m not sure,” he whispered, “does Truth or Dare count?”

“Mmm, maybe you’re right.” She thought for a moment, and then, before he had time to think, she leant forward and kissed him. This time the awkwardness had dissipated, and all that was left was the comfort of to close friends, and the insecurity of teenagers who no longer know where they stand. It was sweet, and Gilbert could feel Anne smiling on his mouth, and he smiled back.

And then she pulled away.

“There. Now you’re my first kiss.”

With that, she skipped back to her tent, leaving Gilbert in the tentative darkness of the shortest night of the year.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I tried my best to include Jerry but I FAILED miserably, so sorry about that.....  
> Also I'm sorry I didn't include a lyric at the start but there aren't enough lyrics in the song and I need the rest for the other chapters lmaoo  
> Also I kind of only just realised that I didn't include Charlie at all in this story. I have mixed opinions about him but if you want a modern fic that features him (and is probably my favourite ao3 fic ever?!) the check out "I know my girlfriend is a witch" by dragonmyth. This is absolutely nonspon (idk how that would work lmao), I just LOVE that fic so much  
> I think i'm gonna have two chapters more and I think they'll be quite short? But things don't always (ever) go to plan so we'll see.  
> Also special shout out to Maria for being my biggest supporter :))) as well as my irls for putting up with my bs (and keeping this a secret)


	7. Part VI

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I don't know what to say about this chapter except I'm sorry

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's a swear word in this lol. I changed the rating to teen and up :)

_No childish expectation, love is not the answer, but the line that marks the start_

That summer was Gilbert’s favourite time. He spent long days at the beach with his family, teaching little Dellie how to swim, and nights in the Orchard with his friends. He’d watch movies, and listen to annoying pop music, and eat junk food and it was so so fun. And of course he had Anne. That night by the fire wasn’t the last time they kissed that summer. She kissed him when he stole a bite of her ice cream (she’d also make fun of him for biting ice cream - “ _it’s unnatural, and frankly quite gross!_ ”), and he kissed her when he dropped her off at home in the early hours after a particularly long-lasting party, and she kissed him when he pulled her into the lake of shining waters after he fell in, and he kissed her while she was making pasta at another Blythe-Lacroixe-Cuthbert family dinner.

Like the first, these kisses were short and sweet and _purely platonic_ (he reminded himself of this while lying awake at night and picturing her hand in his, they did that a lot too, holding hands, her little one fitting perfectly inside his bigger one). They were still just best friends (if even that), and Gilbert was content with this. If it was what she wanted, and it must have been because she _had_ to know, didn’t she, he wasn’t very good at hiding it, but then she would have mentioned it, or things would have changed between them, wouldn’t they have, so maybe Gilbert was subtle? (He wasn’t)

And then, all too quickly, the time was coming for him to leave, to go to College in Toronto. God, he was scared. Gilbert loved school, loved the thrill of learning something new, the way his brain felt after a particularly interesting lesson. He should’ve been excited to go to College, it was his dream. And sometimes it was. But mostly, (and that was what scared him, that it was mostly), he was afraid. He finally had peace in his life. Could he really leave that behind? Leave his family, his loved ones, his home? Sure, he’d done it last year, gone away for something much less stable than college, where he would have a place to live and food to eat (that wasn’t leftovers from a restaurant). And he was leaving a lot more behind now.

Something which played on his mind very often was his feelings for his red-headed neighbour. He voiced his concern to his teasing brother one afternoon in the orchard.

“Bash?”

“Yes, Blythe?”

“If I love a girl, should I tell her?”

“For God’s sake boy, I’ve been telling you to tell Anne you love her for most of a year now!”

“I know, I know. I’m just scared to change things, that’s all. But now..”

“Now you’re going away.” Bash put his hand on his brother’s shoulder.

“I just feel like it’s now or never. If I don’t tell her, some boy who hasn’t moved halfway across the country’ll ask her out.” Gilbert looked at his hands, face reddening.

“But?” Bash could sense his hesitation.

“I just don’t know if it’s the right thing to do. _Speak or Die_ , you know?”

“Listen, boy. Things like this are always messy. Well almost always,” Bash looked up the path to the house, where his beloved Mary was walking towards them, the baby on her hips, “but you have to trust that what’s in your heart is right. And if it’s not? Well, you’ll never know unless you try, that’s all I’m saying.”

Mary reached them and, sensing the strange atmosphere, asked what was going on.

“Gilly here doesn’t know wether to tell Anne how he feels or not.”

Mary adopted a strange look on her face, almost a frown, and simply said

“Don’t hurt her.”

Before Gilbert had a moment to catch his breath, the day had come. Or rather the day before it. Strangely, it was the anniversary of the day Anne first thwacked him round the face with a plank of wood, and they were at the ruins once again.

Gilbert, Josie, Jane and Moody were the only ones old enough to have graduated, although Jane and Josie were taking a gap year, and would likely be working in Avonlea. Moody would be close by, at Queens. It felt like only Gilbert was leaving. He felt like he was betraying someone, although he didn’t know who.

The night followed a similar path to its predecessor the year before, with lots of dancing and drinking. Like last time, Anne and Gilbert found themselves alone by the fire, only this time she wasn’t so opposed to talking to him.

“Oh Gil, isn’t this so strange. I can’t believe it’s only a year since we met.”

“Me neither. I feel like- like I’ve known you forever.” His voice was soft, and he wasn’t sure if he could be heard over the shouts of his classmates, but she nodded, both in understanding and agreement.

“Anne,” he put his hand on her jaw and pushed it softly so she was facing him. “Anne,” he repeated. He looked in her eyes and saw the respect and admiration he felt for her reflecting in them, but there was something more – fear? Resentment, even? But then it was gone, and there was only what could be described as love, platonic or romantic, he didn’t know.

_Now or never,_ he thought, _it’s now or never Gilbert._ Mary’s words, “Don’t hurt her”, replayed in his mind.

“Anne, I have to tell you… You have to know. I- I lo-”

“No!” She leapt away from him.

“N- no?”

“No. You don’t get to do this Gilbert, it’s not fair.” Her voice was thick, the orange embers of the fire reflected in her tears. “You’re leaving! Tomorrow! What, do you want me to listen to you confess your love to me and then just sit tight until you come home? Or until you meet some college girl and dump me over text?”

“Anne that’s not-”

“Let me finish!” She seemed to be shaking with anger now, and looked around to make sure she hadn’t disturbed by the rest of the party. They remained blissfully unaware, her shouts mingling with their own (which were of excitement, not rage). “I knew this would happen. I told myself not to kiss you, not to let _you_ kiss _me,_ not to hold your hand, or your gaze, not to allow myself to feel the butterflies that come when you look at me like _that,_ but I did, and look where that got me! You’re leaving, onto your exciting new life, leaving me with just the pieces of my fucking heart!”

With that spectacular declaration, she turned and fled, grabbing Diana as she passed her. The pair flew off into the night, soon followed by Jerry (from a distance). Everyone else had finally caught on, and Gilbert found himself repeating history asking Jane and Moody when they reached him

“What did I do wrong?”

He laughed at the irony, but it was a cold, hollow, bitter laugh, which rang out and hung in the air.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> dfhlkjfhlkjfH I'M SORRY OKAY  
> Don't worry I *think* next chapter will be the last one and it will be happy but idk. I'm terrible at ending stories and actually if I end this one it will be my first ever lmaooo  
> also I'm sorry for this chapter being kind of short  
> I hope everyone's well! Also the renewal petition is almost at 700k so go sign it if you haven't already: https://www.change.org/p/netlfix-cbc-disney-and-awae-fans-renew-anne-with-an-e-for-season-4


	8. Part VII /End

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The aftermath of the ruins, and a New Years party gone wrong (and then right)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> last chapterrrrrrr

Chapter 8

_I keep a picture of you / just to keep you safe_

Gilbert woke up the next morning with a sick stomach and a voicemail.

“ _Gil. Hi, it’s Anne. I’m sorry. I really am, I didn’t mean to blow up on you like that. I spoke to Diana, we talked it over. I was being overdramatic. It’s just, I’ll miss you.”_ Gilbert heard a sob, which was soon matched by his own. _“I’m scared Gilbert. But I can’t come say goodbye to you today, I just can’t! I hope you’ll understand...Bye Gil. I’ll miss you. I l- love you..”_ Gilbert could hear her break down further as she clicked off.

Where had he gone wrong? He had been _so_ happy. Why and how had he ruined it? But then, it seemed inevitable. Of course he would destroy it, the thing that kept him up at night with a smile on his face – he obviously was never meant to have Good things, or else they wouldn’t constantly be taken away. Gilbert wished he could be like Anne. She had experienced so much evil in her life, way beyond what he could even imagine, and yet remained so positive, so good. All Gilbert wanted to do was scream and break something and hide away forever.

But he didn’t. He packed up the last of his belongings, said goodbye to his loved ones, allowing himself some hope that Anne would change her mind and he could see her one last time, and allowed himself to be driven to the airport by his family. When he and Bash arrived in Toronto, and unloaded his stuff, Gilbert felt broken. He had left behind his whole world. He was completely alone.

As the year went on, this feeling numbed. He made friends, he enjoyed his studies, and being in Toronto was constantly exciting. Sure, he missed Anne, especially when he came home in early November and she wouldn’t see him, but, like his homesickness, this feeling became less and less difficult to manage.

At Christmas, she could no longer avoid him (or his occasional late night tipsy phone calls). The Blythe-Lacroixes and the Cuthberts were to spend Christmas Eve together, and Marilla was not willing to cancel this all because of what she saw as a silly misunderstanding (she didn’t know the details but could guess).

The meal went smoothly. Gilbert was asked about his studies, and asked Anne about hers. Gilbert was asked about his friends, and asked Anne about hers. Gilbert was told he was missed. He told Anne he missed her, but not until the dinner was over and they were alone in the kitchen.

“I missed you too.” Anne wouldn’t meet his eyes.

“Anne I’m sorry. I was being selfish. I didn’t mean to hurt you.” All Gilbert could think was _look at me. Please, look at me._ And then she did.

“I know. I’m sorry too. Can we be friends?” Gilbert felt a smile break out across his face, as he looked down at her outstretched arm, waiting to shake his hand. He grinned, pulling her into the hug.

At New Years, they were invited to a party at Diana’s home. Gilbert wasn’t sure he was really welcome, as he knew how protective the host was of the girl who’s heart he had broken (although he _still_ didn’t understand just how that happened). However, he had promised Jane and Moody, who he had yet to meet up with, so the evening of December 30th found him reminiscing all the times he had stood in front of his mirror and fussed over his outfit, and whether Anne would like it. He felt pathetic, but he was excited too. He loved his new college friends, but no one knew him better than his Avonlea friends, and he had missed their parties.

In a pair of baggie jeans, a plain shirt and a green sweater, Gilbert waited outside his house for Moody. He thought it was a bit weird to be going separately from Anne to the same party when they were neighbours, and remembered the time he had picked her up on his bike to go camping.

He hated how everything reminded him of her, _but,_ he remembered, _at least we’re friends now._ He had momentarily broken the promise he had made to himself to keep her in his life, in whatever way was possible, but that was over know, and they were friends.

He danced with Jane and Moody for the first part of the party. Jane told him about her new girlfriend, who remained nameless and sounded suspiciously like Josie (but if Josie wanted to keep it a secret that was fine by Gilbert), and Moody gushed about Ruby, and how romantic their anniversary had been.

At some point Gilbert stepped outside, needing a break from the humidity of a living room filled with sweaty teenagers (or young adults as they referred to themselves). He was found by Anne, who was red in the face and stumbled a little.

“Giiil,” she grinned as he put his arm around her waist to keep her from wobbling. “I really am sorry for last year.”

“Aw that’s okay Anne-girl. It was my fault.”

“Noo, I’m serious. Because guess what?” She leaned towards his ear, as if to whisper, but her mildly intoxicated state prevented her from actually lowering her volume. “I’m a hypocrite! I love you too Gilly. And I wanna kiss you! Isn’t that the funniest thing you ever heard!”

Gilbert froze up.

“Anne. Stop, please. I think maybe I should take you home, you’re just drunk is all.”

“Yeaaahh, but that just means I have the..the..oh God what’s that word? Like being brave?”

“Confidence?” Gilbert offered.

“Confidence! Yeah it just means I have the confidence to say what I wanna say, y’know!”

She looked up at him, her eyes wide and reflecting the pink fairly lights which illuminated the porch. A rush of bitterness ran through him.

“Anne stop! It’s not fair to me. I’ve spent almost six months trying to get over than you, more than that really, and you’re making it really hard. Look, I’m going inside, I’ll see you later okay.”

Gilbert practically stormed into the kitchen, pouring himself another drink and leaning against the fridge.

All he wanted was to go home, but the night was still young, and there were many hours until the new year, and he knew he wouldn’t be forgiven if he missed the countdown. So he found a seat on the sofa and chatted idly with ex-classmates and old friends.

Some hours later, around half an hour before the New Year, Gilbert spotted a head of red hair walking in his direction. He sighed, and regretted his decision to not go home.

“Gilbert, I- I’m sorry about earlier. I was way out of line. I’ve just had a nap and a whole load of water, so I’m thinking a lot clearer and I can see that you made you feelings clear and I should of respected that.”

“What do you mean _I_ made my feelings clear?” Gilbert found himself angry at Anne both for the second time that night and ever. “ _You_ made you feelings clear. Half a year ago! _I’m_ trying to respect that – and myself!”

“Gil, I told you, I’m sorry for what I did and I regret it every day!” Anne realised people were staring, as their voices were raised, so she grabbed his elbow and pulled him into the kitchen, interrupting Moody and Ruby’s makeout and shoving them out. “Gilbert I miss you so much. Every day. And I love you so much, I have for as long as I’ve known you I think. And I was scared last year, and angry at you for leaving, because it felt like you were just another person who had come into my life and then got bored. I realise now that that wasn’t true, and it was unfair of me to assume the worst of you. And its also unfair of me to assume that you still...that you would want to, y’know, go..out..with...me….but.” She trailed off and Gilbert’s chest hurt, and suddenly the countdown had come.

“TEN, NINE, EIGHT, SEVEN, SIX, FIVE, FOUR,” Gilbert leaned towards Anne, his breathe stuttering, “THREE, TWO,” He could practically feel her eyelashes as they fluttered in surprise, “ONE!” As cries of “HAPPY NEW YEAR!” rang out, Gilbert’s lips met Anne’s. The kiss tasted of alcohol and salty party snacks. It was soft and warm and it felt like home. Anne smiled into his mouth, before pulling away.

“Happy New Year, Gil.”

“Happy New Year, Anne.”

“So...are we gonna stay in touch this time?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> with that we're DONW!  
> uhhhhh idk how I feel about this. I'm not great at writing endings, and I don't know if this even feels like one.....  
> also this is completely different from how I planned this chapter going..  
> THANK YOU for sticking with this and reading it all :))))   
> lmk what u think, I might go back and change stuff if I'm feeling up to it lol


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